MY LIFE. please don't move anything.

Ketchup...

2007-04-25T00:08:00.000-05:00

***First of all...I can post pictures?!? Get ready because I got picture happy!!

So a lot has gone on since the last time I've posted. I've got a lot of randomness that I've been wanting to write about...so here's the Reader's Digest version of what I think about.

For those who haven't heard - I went to Portland to visit Jake over Spring Break. We had dinner at a friend of his house one night and they were super great. I met up with a friend of mine from Seattle and ate vegan cupcakes (SO GOOD). Jake and I went downtown and explored. More importantly, however, I went to an anti-war rally.

Jake was there as a legal observer and I tagged along and tried my best to keep up. It started around one or so and was pretty tame but Jake and I followed a group that is prone to needing legal observers so as the day went on it got more exciting. After a few arrests we all ended up outside of the jail. The police kept closing in and to stay true to the promise he made my mom to not get me arrested Jake tried to make me leave. I didn't. The police were in front of us, to the left, the right, and some on horses behind us so Jake tried to make me cross the street so I could at least see everything but be away from the happenings. He wrote the number to the NLG's line on my arm and gave me three things to say if I were to get arrested. After a few minutes of whining I got to stay in the park where I took a lot of pictures. I'd really never been more scared in my entire life and even though I in no way had done anything to provoke the police - I was still there so being arrested was a possibility.

All in all I met a lot of great people - who I'm now friends with on MySpace (so it's legit). I saw the ins and outs of downtown from walking in it all day. I ate some delicious food (both vegan and not) and caught up with quality time with my broseph.

------------------------------

I was picking up dinner for me and my mom a few weeks ago and noticed this boot just off of University and was so intrigued by it that I had to take a picture. Who is...was the owner of the boot? How did s/he lose the boot? Did that person not want the boot anymore? Did it fall out of their car? Have they noticed it was gone? Were they sad?

It was scuffed and dirty so imagined it belonged to a construction worker...I imagined it belonged to someone like my dad. He gets up early, drinks a cup of coffee, reads the paper, puts on his boots, grabs his lunch and heads to work. He's a laborer who is constantly working all day with only a lunch break and working under harsh elements that make his boots dirty and his feet sweaty but he does his job and he does it well because he's got a wife and three kids to support. He comes home after work, gets his youngest to take off his boots reclines in his chair so he can watch TV to decompress. He watches the 10 o'clock news gets up and goes to bed leaving his boots for his next day at work.

--------------------------------------------
It's April which means the Bluebonnets are blooming. On a trip when I was younger I got my picture taken in the Bluebonnets...how cute was I?

I've never really been into flowers but I've been realizing that I like more flowers that I lead on...so here is my ongoing list of my favorite flowers...

Water Lilies, Tiger Lilies, Orchids, Magnolias, Lotus Flowers, Dahlias, Tulips, Sunflowers, and Spider Daisies.

--------------------------

As mentioned above, tis the month of April and today just so happens to be Equal Pay Day. Meaning, the amount a man makes in one calender year takes a woman (who makes .77 cents to one dollar) one calender year and four months. In addition to wearing red - to signify women getting out of the "red" Pam and I made t-shirts. Yes, I should have been working on my (ironically enough) Gender Roles paper...but making t-shirts always trumps school work.

The front read ".77" and the back "I'M WORTH MORE."

-----------------------------

Last one I promise...

Speaking of Pam and I'm not sure if it's because of her upcoming nuptials or what but I've been reflecting on our friendship lately. We've been friends since 1995 and she quite possible might know the most about me. When we all first found out about Tio Jr. being sick she would ask about him and his health...someone she's never met. She called while I was at dinner with my parents and their friends for Dad's birthday and in her message she told me to tell Dad "Happy Birthday." She even made Jake a birthday cake a couple of years ago when we were in town from Dallas. She's the best person to have console you when you're upset because her shoulder is always there and she has hand to rub your back. She's fun to cuddle with while watching TV and always has the funniest things to say during The Hills. We even have grown up conversations about current events and things we're passionate about.

So, I couldn't pick just one picture to post...the first is a picture taken by David after Pam's Graduation. We went to the reception to pick up their diplomas where they had snacks...the cookies were SO good and David perfectly captured our reactions to just how good the cookies were.

The second was when we went to a Rangers game in '04. I have no idea what was said...but it was funny...

At work there are two other best girlfriends who work there. I see the way that they interact, listen to their inside jokes, watch their body language and I think about them in relation to us. I think it's funny to see how differently they interact with each other than when they interact with others. How do we come across to other people? Does people understand us? Do they get our jokes and our slang? You may not understand us - but you wish you did.

0315

2007-03-15T01:56:00.000-05:00

I'm leaving for Portland in exactly seven hours!

...On the Ides of March...hm...weird...

Well, I just wanted to throw a shout-out to those who help with the fundage of this trip for me! Thank you so much! Y'all are great! I brag about having family like you. That sounds kind of cheesy, but it's true.

Anyway, I need to finish packing...I'll update while I'm there...if not - then soon thereafter!

Thanks, again!

International Women's Day

2007-03-08T14:19:00.000-06:00

Happy Iternational Women's Day, All!

Word on the street is today is also a Blog Against Sexism Day, Y'all! So, here I go...

This is how I know sexism is still around.

That is all.

The Sounds of Silence

2007-02-22T17:38:00.000-06:00

While closing today Lindsay suggested I mop with the lights off and she would turn off the music...she said it was soothing. It was. The only thing I could hear was the soft rhythm of the mop against the floor.

It got me thinking...why am I so afraid of silence?

-I wake up to an annoying alarm clock and immediately turn on the radio.
-I walk to class and in between classes I listen to myPod.
-During class I listen to the lectures.
-On my way to and from work I listen to the radio
-During work I am either listening to the (not so great-even if there is a U2 cover of All I Want Is You-it still doesn't compensate) Pier 1 cd, my Launch, or I'm streaming the Edge.
-I come home and either fall asleep to the television. I have been guilty on more than one occasion of falling asleep while on the phone with someone. I've always loved falling asleep to someone talking. Bonus points if it's someone with a really soothing voice.
-Even when I'm doing homework I'm listening to myTunes.

So what am I afraid of? Am I scared of what the silence might bring? What I might hear or think I hear in the quiet air? Am I scared to be left alone with nothing but my thoughts to keep me occupied?

*Original Post Wednesday, February 21st, 2007

I want to make someones day...

2007-02-22T17:34:00.000-06:00

Stupid, I hate it. That's what I usually say when I get asked how work was. Every now and then I will leave work with a feeling of accomplishment or feeling like I've done something and I've done it well. Most of the time I'm tired, preoccupied and by the end of my shift I end up cranky.

Today didn't start out any different. I didn't go into work cranky but it quickly became that way. Then, Lindsay and Matt came up to work and we talked for a bit. It made my day.

Next, M* and Amy came in. We caught up as they shopped and made plans for me to stop by later. That too, made my day.

Then Pam and David came in to register for their wedding. They stayed for a while and I took my break so we could all go grab something to eat together. That, again, made my day.

After work I stopped by Amy's new place to drop off some stuff. M* was there too and so I hung out for a bit. I loved just sitting and talking with them. It's something we've only done a couple of times, if that...but it was fun just hanging out and talking. No other family around, not parents or grandparents to watch what you have to say in front of. That, made my day.

Customers can be annoying, people will come in to work that I would rather not see or have to deal with but, I've had my day made four times today...at work. I'm usually lucky if someone can make my day once. But, I'm not worried about my day being made..but I want to make some one's day. At the end of the night, I want someone to reflect on their day and think to themselves, "Seeing Ang today really made my day." I want someone to be happier by just having me walk into the room and greet them with a hug the way I was today. Oh, well.

*Original Post Sunday, February 11th, 2007

UPDATE - I sent an email later that week to my cousin Mon. She and I never really talk outside of familial obligations but on my way to class I thought about her for some reason. So I shot her an email just asking for an update on the happenings of her life and in her reply she said I made her day. Yay me!

Any Suggestions???

2007-02-14T12:17:00.000-06:00

It has been so hard for me to blog lately. Along with not having anything interesting to write about I've just been so busy with working and with school that I just haven't had the time. Wednesdays are pointless for me. I've got an English class and a discussion and a lab. I also have, collectively, about two hours between classes. Needless to say, I get to catch up on the family emails and MySpace and Facebook. Both sites, I of course, am not on enough as it [insert sarcasm].

Maybe it's with Pam graduating or Ben leaving or the fact that I don't like any of my classes or that at the end of this semester (I pray) I will be junior but I've been dealing with the dilemma of what is next? I'm ready to know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm ready to have my life set for me. Maybe set is the wrong word. I've always been partial to mixing things up; but, God, if I just had some kind of idea as to what - I don't care how lame this sounds - my calling is.

I've been asking everyone what I should major in. So, now, Reader, I ask you...What should I major in? I've got a few ideas...sociology, anthropology, public relations...psychology, art history, and political science have also been on the list.

I don't want to settle for anything and any one who knows me knows that all I want to do is to be passionate about something.

Having said that, someone planted an idea in my head to transfer. I hate that person now. Okay, I don't hate that person but why would you say something like that to me? Why? I don't want to hear that! I can't. I wouldn't hear him out at first. I protested and kept talking over him. I finally let him talk and when he did I was torn. I was torn between being inspired and being driven by something that I care for so much. The other part, hesitant, resistant, and apprehensive (I just said three things that mean the same thing). I was, hell, I am scared.

It's hard to make it on my own as it is living in Lubbock, how can I make it in another town without my parents. Without friends. Without my brothers. Living away from home didn't really work out the first time for me. Why would I think it'll work out this time? I wasn't ready then and I don't think I'm ready now. It was just so hard. I'm not as strong as he think I am.

What's wrong with living in Lubbock anyway? (besides everything) Tech isn't THAT bad. I see the same guy and girl everywhere I go because Tech doesn't believe in a thing I like to call diversity. Other than that, the classes - aside from this semester - aren't unbearable.

Which brings me to more frustrations - I hate my classes. All of them. I'm taking 14 hours...four classes, two labs, and a no-credit discussion. Fantastic? I hate it. I've got three classes tomorrow and a test in every one of them. Why am I blogging? I'm not a math and science girl. I'm just not. Give me something I can BS my way through, like a paper. Liberal Arts, my friend, Liberal Arts. I'm ready to be finished taking classes I have to take and start taking the ones I want to take.

Wait, but what classes do I want to take? I don't even have a major? It's cyclical. Dammit.

Anyway, do you have any suggestions?

34 Years Later...

2007-01-22T19:26:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I read this blog and signed up to write a blog of my own on why I'm pro-choice.

It's really quite simple.
I'm pro-choice because the concept of someone being pro-life doesn't make sense to me.
I'm pro-choice because I don't want to see my rights taken away from me.
I'm pro-choice because it's my body; it's my choice.
I'm pro-choice because I know that sometimes there is no other option.
I'm pro-choice because I think to have children you need to have a want that goes beyond wanting a new car or a new pair of jeans. The want also needs to come with love that you know you can provide. Providing not only love but the necessities that a child requires to be healthy.
I'm pro-choice because I think a forced pregnancy is wrong; it's just wrong.
I'm pro-choice but recognize that others who are pro-choice are not pro abortion and realize that there is a difference...and THATS what others need to understand.

That's all I've got so far. I'm pro-choice. Keep your laws off my body!

PS - I haven't read it yet as to not have her's change my style of writing but read Pam's Blogging For Choice 2007!

Whoa, two blogs in two days!?! What's wrong with me?!

2006-08-31T12:33:00.000-05:00

No, I'm feeling fine-just ready to feel some feelings...

School is fine thus far-but yesterday was only my second day. I don't think I'm smart enough to be in my Feminism and philosophy class, but we'll see. I'm in it with Pam and she's a Philosophy minor so I'll get her to help me if I need it. I don't like my speech class but that mostly due to the fact that we have to give three oral presentations and oral presentations are stupid. But in all seriousness, I enjoy all of my classes. My sociology class is looking pretty good-there are a few conservatives in it, so that should make for good fun. I don't have to buy my books for two classes (exciting!) but I had to buy a $50.00 course pack for my Feminism & Philosophy at The Copy Outlet and they don't take TechExpress (not exciting!). I have however renamed TechExpress to Texpress...I think it sounds cooler. I'll make it happen-spread the word, tell your friends! Texpress is on the way!

On a sadder note, an old friend of mine-Jackie was killed Sunday night by a drunk driver. Pam and I went to her funeral yesterday and saw some old friends. We were totally bff in elementary and part of jr. high. Even in highschool whenever we'd see each other in the hall we'd wave and talk for a second or too. I've never had anyone close to me die before so I didn't know how to take this. The more I learned about that night and the more I learned about her life I grew sadder and sadder. I thought I was okay but Dad called me on my way to work. The fact he did that meant so much to me. My voice got shaky when I told him I don't think I could handle it if it were anyone closer to me. I don't want to go through that. I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with it. I don't want to and I'm not going to go. And I told Dad that.

It's sad that it took a funeral to see old friends...but it did. Last night Pam and I met up with some people. I had a really good time and it was great seeing those I grew up with but lost touch with. It was good times. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has moved and come back. What is that about?

Speaking of-in my speech glass there are the girls who all they do is complain about Lubbock and the lack of things to do. But they aren't even from here. I don't understand. If you don't like it-than leave. We don't want you here anyway. Well, I don't. The only real problem I have with Lubbock is the conservativeness. (I think I just made up a word-I looked it up, it's a word.) Anyway, so there's that.

That might be all I've got today. That might be all I've got for a while. Really though, I do always feel better after having written a blog so maybe I'll update more often. Eh, who are we kidding?

Updates

2006-08-30T16:08:00.000-05:00

Ok, this was originally written on Saturday, August 25th and I thought I'd deleted it by accident...but here it is and I'll update on what's happened since then in a second or two. I'm at work right now and I'm supposed to actually be working, (wt?) but I'm taking a break. Anyway, here it is and more will come...

It's been a while since I've last updated. Nothing really ever happens in my life so I don't have anything to write about. However, readers, I come with good news and happenings in my life!

I am now living on my own. I'm in month two and I haven't gone crazy having no one to talk to yet. Yet. I miss living with Pam and David but I think living alone is something I need. It's small, but it's mine and that's what I love about it. The only thing I don't like about living alone is knowing I can't blame dirty dishes in the sink or wet towels on the floor anyone else. It's always me. I'm within walking distance to Pam and Tech so I've got no complaints. I love it.

Exciting news numero dos-it's for sure that I'm going back to school! It's not just talk now and it's not just paper work for financial aid. It's real and I'm in! I'm pretty sure I'm annoying my friends with my countdown (cough two days cough) til school starts, but I'm pumped! This semester is paid for and Aaron and Kathryn were oh so kind to help me buy books. I went to Target the other day and bought school supplies. Yes, I'm a dork, I know... My schedule looks promising. So far there isn't a class I'm not not looking forward to going to. I've got a class with Pam which I think will help me get back into the groove of things. We'll just have to see how it goes I guess. So, think of me on the 28th!

I guess other than that everything is the same ole same ole. Just working and hanging out. The fall primetime lineup is looking pretty sweet. How I Met Your Mother is a great show and if you're not watching it I'm not sure what you're doing with your life. Some other shows are looking promising. That new Aaron Sorkin will be good. The only thing that makes me hurt a little is Grey's Anatomy is moving to Thursdays and will now be up against Earl and the Office. I'm not sure how I'm going to pull that one off.

Let's see, I want to throw a shout out to my friend Evan who moved to Austin yesterday to go to school and make it big as a musician. Good luck to him and all he does.

Sidebar-Plan B is now available over the counter! Success! However, it is for those 18+. If there are any minors out there-just give me a call and I'll go buy you one. Sidebar to the sidebar-I'm not encouraging unsafe sex. Condoms, birth control...I'm all for it but I also understand accidents happen and if you're not ready for a child then you're not ready for a child in which case Plan B is a good plan.

Feelings

2006-04-29T11:55:00.000-05:00

One of the best feelings in the world is when other people love/appreciate/respect/admire/etc. the same people as you.

You should feel privileged

2006-04-20T10:33:00.000-05:00

Whether it be conscious, subconscious, or pure luck of the draw I have surrounded myself when pretty intelligent people. People who have the ability to shut me up and make me think. People who I converse with on a daily basis are hardly lacking in what he or she brings to the table. But, I, for some reason or another do not think I'm an intelligent person. Not because I was ever called stupid as a child, not because I was ever discouraged by my parents. I don't know what it is. I think. I think a lot. I really do. It's just the whole putting it down on paper or verbalizing it where I tend to fumble. I've got a friend who is pretty patient with me (usually during an intense debate or half-fight) and tells me to "just talk it out" and to "keep going, you're almost there"--and once I'm there I'm good, he and I will continue with our debate. It's just getting there where I have a problem.

But, ok, really, what is intelligence? Going to school, getting a college+ degree? I know a few college educated people who should be shipped to idiot-island. Working his or her whole life and having experience be his or her education? Well, again, I've encountered some who would conflict with that theory. Could it be watching the news and just keeping up with topical information and past events? OR...what about this...a marriage of all three? Well, I just don't know.

I know that my friends, my family are incredibly smart and on more than one occasion have surprised me with what they say and it excites me in a way that I can't describe. Weird? Probably.

Example 1. October 2005--Pam, David, Ben and I went to dinner one night. Also tagging along, a friend of David's named Stephen. Now, I'd never met Stephen before, heard a couple of stories, but nothing too in depth. We're sitting at a round table, eating, talking, having a good time when Stephen notices me t-shirt with an equal sign on it. He asks and I tell him it's an HRC t-shirt and kind of give him the 411 on it. That starts a discussion and as I'm having a side bar with Ben I hear Stephen say something not too flattering about Feminists-the whole table hushes and looks at me. Stephen's new. I don't like to give myself away too quickly in new relationships because I don't want to scare anyone off. I'm not crazy, I'm really not...just...passionate? So I ask why and listen to him speak, careful not to interrupt. I think about what he says and before I retort Ben and David step up to the plate. Not for me, mind you, but step up none the less. I listen to them somewhat shocked. Two guys, who in the past have hassled me for being so passionate are now saying what I've been saying all along and then some. Bring to the table (haha-because we really were at a table, forget it.) what they both have learned in their classes and using it to contradict Stephen. Oh, and as a sidebar, I'm not telling this story to imply that Stephen is not smart, I've heard what he has to say and it's impressive, too. But, ever since then I've just had a new kind of respect for the boys. I'm proud of them.

Example 2. December 2004-Mom and Dad came to Dallas to spend Christmas with the kids plus a few more. So, Kenneth and Dad-wait!--those who know Kenneth ::sigh:: love him, those who don't are probably jealous that they don't. Gay, straight, young, old-I don't think I've met someone who didn't have a little crush on him after meeting him. Yes readers, he's THAT great. (I don't think he reads this, and that's probably a good thing because he might be a little freaked out right now). By this time Kenneth had just graduated from college and was looking at GradSchool. A fairly educated guy to say the very least. So, Kenneth and Dad-wait!--ok, so Dad...MY dad, is this guy who with just a few hours shy from graduating college went to work to support his family and has worked nonstop ever since. Always in the union, always proud to be in the union. A hardworking man to say the very least. So, Kenneth and Dad are talking after dinner about unions, democrats, current events, both bringing to the table (again, haha-I don't think it needs to be explained this time) their education. One from text and one from experience. It was fun to see the combination of both into one conversation. And where was I? Well I sat there, listening to them. Soaking in their conversation and being proud of my Dad-wait!--MY dad.

So, why anyone of these persons and the other intellectuals I am friends with/related to would ever think he or she lacks in smarts is strange to me. I just don't get it. I've surrounded myself with pretty intelligent people. So really, I guess what I'm trying to say is, you better feel privileged you get to be friends with me because it just means you're smart! hehe.

It's days like this where I really miss Dallas!

2006-04-10T16:46:00.000-05:00

Thousands turn out for Dallas march
ASSOCIATED PRESS

DALLAS (AP) - Tens of thousands of people banged drums, waved U.S. flags and marched shouting "Si Se Puede!", Spanish for "Yes, we can!", in a protest urging federal lawmakers to pass immigration reform that would legalize an estimated 11 million undocumented workers.

Many of those who crammed into the streets of downtown Dallas wore white clothing to symbolize peace. Marchers included families pushing strollers with their children and ice cream vendors who placed American flags on their carts. Labor groups, some employers and religious organizations also supported the rally.

Police estimated the crowd at between 350,000 and 500,000. Hundreds of police were on hand but there were no reports of violence.

Among the marchers was Marina Resendiz, a 25-year-old premed student at the University of Texas at Arlington who illegally came to Dallas from Mexico as a teenager with her family. They left Mexico because her father couldn't find work there and wanted to give her the chance to get an education, Resendiz said as she and her friends carried a sign that read "We love the USA, we work, we study, we contribute to the economy of the nation."

"It's hard to study if you don't have a green card. I graduated third in my class but I couldn't get any scholarships," she said as bells from the Cathedral Shrine of the Virgin of Guadalupe tolled in the background.

Protesters also asked for immigration reform that won't split up families made up by parents living illegally in the country and their U.S.-born children.

"We don't want to be separated from our families," Resendiz said.

Some protesters wore shirts that said "No HR 4437," referring to the House bill passed in December that would build more walls along the U.S.-Mexico border, make criminals of people who helped undocumented immigrants and make it a felony, rather than a civil infraction, to be in the country illegally.

Opponents of the House legislation included business owner Michael Longcrier, who carried a sign that read "We work because of hard working immigrants."

"I have friends in this march. I have friends that make my business work," said Longcrier, who said he employs at least one illegal immigrant at his used clothing business.

The protest, one of many planned Sunday and today across the nation, was held even though sweeping reform legislation that would have given many illegal immigrants a chance at citizenship stalled on Capitol Hill last week.

"This is a force, an energy here," Amir Krummell, a U.S. citizen born in Panama, said about the multitude of marchers. "There has to be a deal ... there has to be a happy medium."

Demonstrators walked in a procession that snaked more than four blocks to Dallas City Hall. There, Hispanic leaders urge them to remain involved, vote and tell their lawmakers to work on legislation to legalize millions of undocumented workers.

Sen. John Cornyn of Texas was among lawmakers who expressed frustration that they were unable to gain votes for proposals to toughen enforcement or to leave immigration policy unchanged until the border had been made secure.

Organizers also asked demonstrators to show the spending power immigrants have in the economy by not spending money on today and closing their businesses or not working if they could afford it. However, they told students to not skip classes and continue getting an education.

Immigrants and their children, U.S. and foreign born, account for 40 percent of North Texas residents. And about half of the region's foreign born residents are undocumented, according to a study by DFW International Community Alliance.

The Lubbock Avalanche Journal Online

OH! Tag, I'm it!

2006-01-24T14:12:00.000-06:00

I was tagged by my brother. I told myself THIS would be the blog where I didn't fill out surveys like this...but I figured, of course my reader wants to know more about me! So, to you reader, have fun reading. Oh, by the way...I got a little HTML happy because I finally figured it out! Woohoo!

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1. Taco Villa b'otch
2. Pier 1 associate
3. Select-a-Seat ticket seller
4. . . .

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
1. Reality Bites
2. Chasing Amy
3. American Beauty
4. Zoolander

Four Places You've Lived
1. Erskine St.
2. 86th St.
3. Dentcrest Ave.
4. 20th St

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
1. West Wing
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. The OC
4. Lost

Four Places You've Been on Vacation
1. Vegas, Baby!
2. Tampa, FL
3. Dallas, TX
4. Alba-worstplaceever, NM

Four Websites You Visit Daily
1. MYhoo ...it's my yahoo page...it's always open if I'm at the S-A-S
2. mySPACE ...not your space...but MINE!
3. The Superficial ...so funny and it keeps me up to date on the latest gossip
4. Lubbock Avalanche Journal ...just keeps me up to date

Four Of Your Favorite Foods
1. any kind of potato
2. biscuits and gravy
3. tacos
4. pasta

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1. In bed
2. At a movie
3. In school
4. A shower

Four Albums You Can't Live Without
1. Incubus - Make Yourself
2. Counting Crows - August and Everything After
3. Jason M-Raz - Tonight Not Again/Live at Eagles Ballroom
4. Live - Awake: The Best Of Live

Four People To Tag
1. Pam
2. Aaron & Kathryn
3. Kenneth
4. Judith

Sometimes A Quickie Can Satisfy

2006-01-19T15:44:00.000-06:00

Alright, so I've been getting heat from people because I haven't updated in a while. The thing is, nothing has been going on lately. My life, really isn't all that interesting. So, I guess I'll throw out some highlights from the past month or so...

12.24.05 I am now a BFOTB...that's Best Friend Of The Bride for those of you lame-As who don't know. Pam and David are now engaged! Yay for her! I'm not very good at that whole HTML linkage thing so don't be lazy and look over to the right margin and under links-her blog is It's Broken Because I Broke It. Read it. It's a good one!

12.25.05 Let's see, Aaron and Kathryn came into town for Christmas...so that was fun. I don't know how they feel but I miss living with them. Fighting with Aaron. Talking to Kathryn. Fun.

12.31.05 New Years was another evenful night. I'm still not sure what happened to all of my nachos.

01.02.06I went to the Cotton Bowl! I can't believe Tech lost, but it was a bittersweet end to my first college football season.

01.04.06 Oh! I won fifty bucks on the bowl games. Well, twenty five since Ben and I went in halvsies...either way, I'm hoping I'll get some mad respect from the Martinez Group.

01.09.06 Jake came into town last week...that too was fun. I miss that crazy hippy. He brought me a bottle of organic wine...which I will not open until the 21st.

01.21.06 Which brings me here...my 21st birthday is the 21st. Send money, send presents. Call me and find out where me and my posse are...and I'll let you buy my a drink.

06.06 Oh! More important than winning fifty bucks, but not as important as my birthday--I, Ang Martin-ez, will be going back to school! Woohoo! Yes, I hear ya'-it IS about damn time! I'll probably start out with a couple of classes this summer and try to get back into being a full time student next fall. So my friend's last semester will be my first one back. Crazy. But I'm going back and that is the most important thing. Woohoo again!

No Work = No Tamales

2005-12-14T10:16:00.000-06:00

I won't go. No one expects me to go. Psh, they don't need me. I'm a kid. I don't make tamales...I eat them. Two extra hours of sleep look so good as I hit the snooze button. I have to get up. I have to go. No work = No tamales.

I get there and all of the Tias are shocked and I think Grandma might have gotten a little weepy. I hear one say that I'm a gift from Heaven...but we all knew this. I have a cup of coffee, oh the nectar of the gods, and we get started.

Tia Ana picks up a small corn husk for me to start out with. I'm reminded of when I was younger and making tortillas with Grandma. She'd give me a rolled up ball of dough. Smaller than hers. I'd roll it out and the result would be a tortilla half the size of hers and Grandpa's. That one was mine. Tia Ana tells me to feel for the smooth side. That's the side I put the masa on. Smooth side? There's supposed to be a smooth side? They both feel rough to me. I act like I know what I'm doing. Oh, right, the smooth side. I dip my spoon into the masa and scoop some out with the outer of my spoon and shmear it on the husk. Tia Ana says I'm doing a good job. I'm left on my own while the aunts greet my Tia Emma as she walks in. Let's not leave Ang alone with the masa and husks because, yes, I did do a good job on the first, but the third I shmeared upside down. I'll take that one, Family.

I'm considered an "embarrada" so I'm putting the masa on the husk, only Grandma and Tia Ana can put the meat onto the masa. Supposedly one must work up to having that job.

I'm there for almost two hours and within that frame the Tias are shelling out probably three to my one. Their hands are like easels, the husk-their canvas, the masa-their paints, the spoon-their brush, my Tias-the artists. They scoop up the exact amount of masa they need. No more, no less. They work in long strokes to distribute the paint evenly on the husk. Both hands gentle enough so as not to tear the husk, yet forceful enough to get the job done quickly...and don't skip a beat when it comes to gossiping. By the way, I have now figured out where I have gotten my gossip gene from. Gracias Castros.

With my grandma, her three sisters, my Tia Emma, and myself, we have three generations of femails around a table. I try to keep up with their work and I try to understand their words, but I can only do one thing at a time. I try to listen to them talk about other people and I end up "embarrar"-ing my hand. (Yeah, that's a word!)

It was great, up next, as soon as I get a day off I'll help Grandma with "emapanadas" (sp?) Don't be jealous of my mad mexican cookin' skillz

Because You Don't Know Enough About Me Already...

2005-11-21T15:38:00.000-06:00

Here it is Bitches!

7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die

1. Graduate from college
2. Find passion
3. Get a new car
4. Find a career that interests me
5. Learn how to make tortillas like Grandma
6. Take my parents out to dinner
7. Go to Grad. school

7 Things I Can Do

1. Talk on the phone
2. Make funny t-shirts
3. Start books
4. Listen like champ
5. Keep secrets
6. Quote movies
7. Spend money

7 Things I Cannot Do

1. Finish books
2. Take a compliment
3. Eat peas
4. Purchase/drink alcohol
5. Fall asleep before 2-3a
6. snap
7. Stand up to someone

7 Things That Attract You to Another Person

1. Passion
2. Intelligence
3. Sense of humor
4. Laugh
5. How he/she treats a server
6. Eyes
7. The ability to challenge me

7 Things I Say Most Often

1. Dude
2. Right/I know right
3. I say eff ______
4. Select-a-seat. How can I help you?
5. Huh?
6. Stop touching me
7. So good!

I just want Pam to do it now...since I'm the last

100 Facts about iANG!

2005-10-14T17:07:00.000-05:00

I pulled this off another blog and thought I'd attempt to pull 100 random facts about myself out of the dark. Pam and I had been working on it for the past week and even though she posted before me, I didn't read it so I wouldn't edit mine. So, read hers whenever you get a chance. Word.

1. Some form of a Jason M-Raz cd has been in my player for the past five months.
2. My dad and I aren't as close as I'd like us to be.
3. I have a thing for blue eyes and long hair...I blame Morgan Meyer.
4. The best part of my day is the ten minutes I spend laying in bed before having to get up for the day.
5. I miss my Slinky
6. As bad as things got last year, I don't regret anything I've done.
7. I complain about being so much younger than my brothers-but in all actuality, I find it quite advantagous.
8. When I see my hands in the mirror or in pictures, they don't look like my own, they look like my mothers. I love it.
9. I don't complain about not having a lot friends because the ones that I have are beyond great.
10. I really want to go back to college but...
11. ...I don't think I ever will.
12. I am Brown and CANNOT roll my Rs.
13. I have yet to have a bad conversation with Anna
14. My favorite part of watching tv are the opening credits and the theme songs...bonus points if its the OC or Nip/Tuck or Grey's Anatomy.
15. Golf balls and golf tees remind me of being a kid.
16. I love to get into bed with my socks on and slip them off with my feet and rub my feet together on cold nights.
17. In my opinion the best part of turning 18 was being able to vote.
18. The best part of going to the movies is watching movie trailers
19. I wear my watch on my right hand.
20. I like to wink...but not at strangers because that's creepy.
21. I like when people wink at me
22. When I first met Pam, I thought she looked like my best friend Emily from the year before...and that's why I liked her at first.
23. I don't know if I don't want to get married/have kids because I really don't want to or because I'm told thats what I'm supposed to do and I don't want to because of that.
24. I just want my parents to be proud of me.
25. I don't like to be touched
26. But I love hugs...being entangled with someone you love and trust is the best feeling ever.
27. Sometimes I quit listening to someone talk because I'm thinking of what I want to say next.
28. I'm like the post office when it comes to driving with my windows down-rain or shine, I love to have them down.
29. I don't think I'll ever figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.
30.I love to sit outside when I'm on the phone.
31. I am very ticklish
32. All of my Top Five Nights Of My Life have had music as it's focal point.
33. I think I speak better when I use my hands.
34. Mollea once told me to have a drink, just a drink that you always get or one to always fall back one, mine is...the mojito.
35. My favorite Incubus song is Stellar.
36. I love Target in a way I don't think anyone can understand...oh and I miss Super Target
37. I love when boys open the doors for girls...and I hate that I love it.
38. I like to hold hands...but only the "intertwined fingers" way
39. My favorite place be is my bed...
40. ...and I love when my friends lay in bed with me.
41. In life there are passengers and there are drivers, I will forever be a passenger.
42. I love taking showers in the dark, bonus points if I'm hung over.
43. I love ketchup on my tamales...and Grandpa likes it too, so it's OK.
44. When I picture my extended family it's always them sitting around my grandparent's table playing gin.
45. I'm sensitive and I do not think it's a bad thing.
46. I've surrounded myself with people who can - if I'm in a bad mood put me a good mood and if I'm in a good mood put me in a better mood - and don't waste my time with people who don't.
47. I just want to be inspired.
48. I love to get into discussion with people who have views differently than my own.
49. But do not have enough confidence in myself to keep the debate going.
50. I've always considered myself a starter when it came to books; always starting but never finishing. I had no idea there was another word for it until Jake brought up that I am a quiter. I'm not sure what that says about me.
51. One of my favorite things to do is fold clothes.
52. I'm not a morning person...at all.
53. I've never had anyone close to me die and I'm scared of how I will grieve when it happens.
54. I think people who are late are extremely rude.
55. There are something things my grandmas cook that I just can't seem to perfect.
56. I'm always afraid to call my brothers because I always think I'm bothering them.
57. I feel like my life lacks forward momentum...ya'know?
58. I love crossword puzzles-but I can't start them and I have to do them in pencil...I blame Dad and Aaron.
59. I think movie popcorn is the ultimate snack.
60. If I could choose between being big and happy or thin and unhappy - I'd still go for the latter.
61. I don't like to be alone.
62. When I'm in a bad mood or angry I clean.
63. I get a lot of cleaning done after I get off of work from Pier 1
64. I have an ongoing list of things that I like that I've had since junior year.
65. My closet door has to be closed before I can go to sleep.
66. If I don't go to sleep the moment I feel it coming I'll be up for hours...that's why I'm up so late every night.
67. If I had prettier legs, I'd wear more skirts.
68. My ultimate dream is to write a screen play and direct it and win an Oscar.
69. I have more confidence when my hair is straight.
70. If my hair is wavy I feel sloppy and end up pulling back.
71. I feel sloppy in t-shirts and it's because I was always told to dress twice as nice to be considered half as good.
72. I can only think of five pictures where I like the way I look.
73. I have wished I were thin, rich, a guy...but I have never wished I was anything but Brown.
74. I don't want to be anything other than a organizer's daughter.
75. And if I ever have kids, I want them to think the same about me.
76. I have a bald spot on the back of my head that I constantly touch. I worry because it's getting bigger and I think it's getting bigger because I worry.
77. I think everyone has the right to get a higher education and it should be made available to everyone.
78. I don't like to associate with people who are rude to servers.
79. I don't dread going to work at Select a Seat
80. I don't think my brothers know the amount of pride I have for them.
81. I like the way my hair feels on my bare back.
82. I love to eat standing up.
83. I want a Qdoba to open in Lubbock.
84. I have every movie ticket stub since I was in 9th grade.
85. I love the way books smell.
86. Chick-Fil-A has the best sweet tea.
87. I am always cold
88. But my favorite season is winter.
89. I have a love for carmel that goes beyond my love for Target.
90. Going to work with one's hair wet is a pet peeve of mine...I've done it three times in the past two months...I hate that.
91. I hate balancing my checkbook.
92. My favorite word is something I am constantly looking for and don't ever think I'll find in anything...passion.
93. I love listening to people talk...bonus points if I'm tired...some people's voices can be so soothing.
94. The rate at which my hair falls out scares me.
95. My neck is in a constant state of pain.
96. I feel like I'm always trying to catch up with my brothers and what they have achieved.
97. When I get tired my left eye lid droops.
98. I don't like being called Angie...and I don't like when Ben and David call me Angie.
99. I believe in love at first sight because it's what I'm constantly doing.
100. I never thought I'd finish this and am actually surprised that I did. I just hope Dad doesn't get bored reading it.

Don't look at me like that

2005-10-01T15:14:00.000-05:00

I can't help it, but I stare. It's usually people I know - which I guess doesn't make it any better, but I stare. It may not be a new thing, but I think I've just now noticed it. There were two separate moments on Sunday when I caught myself starting at two people.

I stare because you are hot. Sometimes a person is just so good looking that no matter how hard I try I cannot look away. If you have pretty eyes, I'll stare; if you have pretty hair, I'll stare; if you have pretty teeth, I'll stare. I can just be fascinated by looks. I'll check out the boys, I'm not scared to do that, but it's usually women I stare at. It could be jealousy, or it could just be that she's hot.

I stare because you are smart. What is coming out of a person's mouth can be so sexy to me that I'm afraid if I look away I'll miss something. And, shockingly enough, what one is saying doesn't have to be something I agree with, just as long as it is said with a certain amount of intelligence.

I stare because you have passion. To see someone speak or act in something they enjoy so much gives me a hunger to feel the same about something...anything. The fact that someone can, with every ounce of their body, enjoy what he or she is doing just gives me a sense of pride to just know them, that I can't look away.

So yeah, if I'm staring at you, then you could quite possibly fit into one, two, or all of these catagories. Just don't get freaked out if I do stare.

Every now and then people still have the ability to surprise me.

2005-09-14T16:06:00.000-05:00

Maybe I've just been in customer service for too long and although I am nice to people, I never make a habit of expecting anything from them in return as far as politeness. A 'thank you' that has now become an insincere platitude rather than a genuine appreciation for a service being done is what I've come to accept.

Every now and then I'll get a customer who asks how I'm doing, not because it immediately follows 'Fine, thanks' and is a an automatic response to when I ask how they are doing but because they are really wanting to know how I am doing.

Having said that, I'd like to throw a little shout out to a guy in a convenience store.

Ok, so it's Sunday, I'd gone to bed late the night before, gotten up early, and driven six hours to Dallas. Pam, David, Ashtunn, Ben, and myself went to Dallas for a concert. We met Pam and Ben's sister Emily, went to dinner and then the concert. Concert protocol usual is, main show goes on or around 9p and has to be off the stage by 11p. 311 put on a really good performance and I had a really great time with my friends.

However, since the concert was on a Sunday, and we are all grown up and have to be responsible and stuff, we had to be back at work for Monday. So, what's a group to do? Drive back after the concert of course. I knew Pam and David and Ashtunn would sleep on the way back so I decided to sit shot gun and keep Ben awake. We stopped for gas in Arlington I went inside to get a cup of coffee and when we walk in David starts talking to the clerk. He says that we are from Lubbock and we drove in for the concert and that we are driving back the same night. Pam and David pay for their drinks and as they are walking out I walk up with my cup-o-joe-sephina and the clerk lets me have it for free. He even told us to drive safe.

I guess it's not that big of a deal, but just the same; every now and then people still have the ability to surprise me. That one free cup of coffee absolutely made my night. Maybe it's because coffee is so damn good, maybe it's because I am easily impressed, or maybe it's because I knew that it really would be a rough night and I'd take as much caffeine as I could.

So, I guess Mr. Store Clerk has made an impression on me. I still, am not expecting a ton from every customer I serve, but I'd like to, I guess, pay it forward and make my customer's day and maybe, just maybe, they'd appreciate it as much as I did.

So, thank you Mr. Store Clerk, thank you for making my night.

It's kind of cold in this house

2005-09-01T19:11:00.000-05:00

So, Jake was talking smack because I guess I'm not a posting whore like he is. He must think that my life is more exciting than it really is. I'm at Ben's house hanging out with the dogs while the three are working at a concert tonight. I'm not really sure how to turn on the television so I've been messing around on the computer.

I guess for those of you who don't speak/see me on a regular basis-I can give you a little update.

I'm about 98% unpacked...but my room is about 85% finished. I keep starting projects but never really finishing them. I'll start cleaning but then I'll think of something more fun to do like put my picture in picture frames...but in order to do that I have to go through my photo albums...and y'know, of course, that takes a while. Then I'll finish finding pictures, but which photos should go with which frame. I don't think anyone gets how stressful that can be! THEN, where do I put the frames? Another stressful job.

I cleaned the bathroom today! Woot! I'm really anxious to start on the master so Pam and David can move in! Woot again! It's really scary living there alone. Ben and Pam offered their couch to me last night a couple of times...but I don't want to turn into one of those. I think once I get into more of a routine--job wise--and when I'm not so tired I'll be able to venture into the back bedroom.

I've got a pretty good routine going on. I wake up early, which I love. Take a shower, maybe. Have a cup of coffee and watch the news. I'm even making up my bed. It's like I'm a grown up and shizz. Then I take Pam, David, and Ben to class...then I'll pick them up...I don't think any of them understand that I enjoy that part of my day. I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to do it. It's like, when Nana offers to wash my clothes or clean something, she asks because she likes being needed. I guess that's me, just wanting to feel like I'm needed. Oh, and then I head on to work.

Speaking of-I start Pier 1 tomorrow. I'm really not to jazzed about it, but we'll see how it goes. It's not so much that I'm nervous about meeting and working with new people, it's just, I don't really want to work there. I'm hoping once I get the first day is over and done with, It'll get better.

I'm really ready for my friends to come home now. This really isn't a very good posting, but I don't have anything to say-I'm just bored. So, I've run out of things to not say and I still don't know how to turn on the television. The dogs are finished eating and are just laying around the house. I can't remember the last time I was here alone. I wonder if they'd mind if I snooped a little.

Ok, I'm out
--iANG!

They said "Welcome back to Lubbock!"

2005-08-29T17:50:00.000-05:00

We drove back from Dallas a day earlier than I had planned so I ended up pulling a Ryan because I made plans to go by Spaghetti Warehouse and say bye to Lisney and Will and Hiram. But, I called Will and left him a message, so I feel I am not as big of a jerk as Ryan is because I did call.

So yeah, I'm in Lubbock. Driving here was quite an experience. It took 7 1/2...yes, that's 7 1/2 hours to get here. We kept having to stop a few times to fix the tarp on my stuff. I was alone on the drive, so I went from singing Kelly Clarkson at the top of my lungs to crying to Jake's sad-bastard music in the background. A little after entering Garza County it began to rain. Not a hard rain and not so much a mist...but a really nice rain. A rain I hadn't seen in such a long time. The rain was a baptism on my car, my belongings, but most of all, a baptism on myself. I don't know if this year has changed me for the better, you'd have to ask others who know me. Am I stronger? Well, I'd like to think that I am. But, I think only time will tell on that. But, I can say, that I am a more cynical. That crazy optimist of a girl who set out on a new and exciting life in Dallas now has turned into a woman who tucks her tail between her legs, holds her head down in shame, with a look of defeat on her face. Oh, but oh well. There isn't much I can do about it.

Ben asked me the other day if I was excited about moving. I told him, it really depends on what I think about. Being able to hang out with my friends-that's great. Not being able to hang out with Aaron or Kathryn all the time, yeah that sucks. Working in someplace different and new-yeah, that's great. Having to move back home-sucks.

The only thing I really can't get out of my mind is that I am leaving Dallas with three less friends I had a year ago. What does that mean? I really can't help but think that it's me. Is there something wrong with me to drive these once good friends of mine to not speak to me? I mean, seriously, can someone please explain it all to me?

So, I'm at work right now, it's my first day as a ticket seller for Select-a-Seat Lubbock. I'm really not doing a very good job, but Pam and Ben are being nice and saying I'm catching on quickly...and I feel like a) we are good enough friends that they'd tell me or b) they are big enough of jerks to just make fun of me for screwing up. I do like the people I work with and I pretty much like what I'm doing...I just don't like now knowing anything. I think that'll get better within the next week or so...well, I hope it'll get better.

I've got about a half an hour left, and I really need to go back to the casa and work on unpacking but I know I'm not. It's time to hang out with my friends! I've got ten minutes left and I think we have to clean up! I'm out for now...but more will come!
--Ang

Whoop...here it is!

2005-08-20T22:51:00.000-05:00

Alright, so this is it. I have completed number 74...I have a new blog! the previous posts are some of my favorites from MYSPACE. Since they have already been posted...I think I'll post comments that were nice, comforting, and just plain funny...just to complete the first post feeling. I'd like to add some links and pictures and such just as soon as I figure it all out. So, Welcome to my life, and like I said, please don't move anything...and enjoy!
--Ang

Top Ten First Lines of a Song

2005-08-10T04:32:00.000-05:00

Ok, So I've always LOVED the first line of Gavin DE-Graw's "I don't want to be"...and I think because it just reminds me of my parents. You know, I don't need (or want for that matter) to be anything other than a sheet metal worker's daughter...and I'll say that with pride every time! Anyway, when Mollea told Jake that the best first line of any song is The Cure's "just like heaven" (and it really is) I decided to make a Top Ten List of the Best First Lines to Songs! So yeah, here it is in no particular order...but I do have the ones that started it all at the top.

Gavid DE-Graw - I Don't Want To Be - "I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son. I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son"

The Cure - Just Like Heaven - "'Show me show me show me how you do that trick/the one that makes me scream' she said"

Something For Kate - Monsters - "I was hanging upsidedown from the overpass/waiting to discover something about the world."

Tristan Prettyman - Evaporated - "Baby Baby, I'm craving your kiss on my neck/oh your breath oh/keeping my hair all over my eyes so you're all that I can hear."

U2 - Heartland - "See the sunrise over her skin/don't change it."

Soft Cell - Tainted Love - "Sometimes I feel I've got torun away/I've got to get away/from the pain that you drive into the heart of me."

Counting Crows - Round Here - "Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white."

Foo Fighters - All My Life - "All my life I've been searching for something/something never comes, never leads to nothing/nothing satisfies but I'm getting close/closer to the prize at the end of the rope."

U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday - "I can't believe the news today/I can't close my eyes and make it go away/how long, how long must we sing this song?"

Live - Dolphins Cry - "The way you're bathed in night/reminds me of that night"

Now, I'd like to say that this was an idea I had on my way to Portland, so as many songs as I know...I only used the ones I had access to. That said...you may agree, disagree, what have you...in which case, please please please comment and add your own!

COMMENTS:

--AARON:

Anything Box - Living in Oblivion - "You can't hide the pain/ i can see it scrawled on your empty face/ and i feel the hurt / its in the words you say/ they make me want to/ scream out to the world/ for taking life for granted/ and i know/ you are by my side/ when i turn to hear you cry...

Black Eyed Peas - Where is the Love - "What's wrong with the world, mama?"

Depeche Mode - But Not Tonight - "Oh, God, it's raining/ but i'm not complaining/ it's filling me up with new life."

Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance - "Aight, stop whatcha doin'/ cause i'm about to ruin/ the image and the style that cha used to."

Dude, this is fun...

Hilary Duff - Come Clean - "Let's go back/ back to the beginning/ back the when the earth, the sun, the stars all align/ cause perfect/ didn't feel so perfect/ trying to fit a square into a circle was my life."

The Hives - Hate to Say I Told You So - "Do what I want/ cause I can and if I don't/ Because I wanna/ be ignored by the stiff and the bored/ because I'm gonna."

Almost done... maybe...

The Killers - Mr. Brightside - "Coming out of my cage/ and i've been doin' just fine/ gotta, gotta be down/ because i want it all./ It started out with a kiss/ how did it end up like this/ it was only a kiss/ it was only a kiss."

Modest Mouse - Float On - "I backed my car into a cop car the other day/ well he just drove off/ sometimes life's ok."

--PAM:

Incubus "Warning"- "Bat your eyes girl, be other wordly, count your blessings, seduce a stranger"

I've been MIA...but I'm back with a BANG!

2005-08-09T18:28:00.000-05:00

Alright, I've got so many blogs in my head right now...about Jake leaving, about me leaving, another top ten list...but this one I've been carrying around for a few weeks...so here it is...I have jumped on the bandwagon and have made my own list.

-101 Things To Do In 1001 Days-

1. Don't jump on bandwagons
2. Go back to school
3. Get Tech paid off
4. Fix my computer
5. Get Mozilla Firefox
6. Buy a coffee pot
7. Learn to drink coffee black
8. See all Best Picture wins from the past 30 years
9. Learn to like wine
10. Learn about wine
11. Learn to mix classic/popular drinks
12. Stop [private]
13. Complete a collection of bar-/stemware
14. Own every season of WEST WING
15. Understand every episode of West Wing (without Jake)
16. Successfully keep a calender/planner
17. Successfully see the Memphis Man
18. Get to Portland to visit Jake
19. Complete a crossword puzzle without cheating
20. Complete a crossworld puzzle in pen
21. Get a library card
22. USE my library card
23. Buy a pair of sunglasses
24. Have a signature scent
25. Drink more water
26. Learn to drink milk...and like it
27. Learn to drive a stick
28. Consistantly keep a journal
29. Build savings
30. Build vocabulary
31. Perfect signature
32. Get a new tattoo
33. Pick a tattoo
34. Wear more skirts
35. Buy a cute pair of black shoes
36. Stand up to someone
37. Figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life
38. Get my [private]
39. Convert all of my VHS to DVDs
40. Buy a DVD player
41. Buy a TiVo
42. Convert all of my music to MP3s
43. Regularly wash my car
44. Get my air conditioner fixed in my car
45. Read every book on my bookshelf
46. Go on a picnic
47. Star reading news magazines
48. Consistantly wake up early enough to watch the beginning of Today
49. Live alone
50. Have my IQ tested
51. Watch all of the Godfathers
52. Go to a museum and stay all day
53. Work out
54. Consistanly wear makeup
55. Keep a vase of fresh flowers in my room
56. Buy a plant
57. Keep it alive
58. Stop competing with Aaron and Jake
59. Stop slouching
60. Keep up with at least two sports teams
61. Learn to keep score at a baseball game
62. Watch the news
63. Get a credit card
64. Use it responsibly
65. Get Grandma to teach me how to make tortillas
66. Pay for dinner out with my parents
67. Learn how to take a compliment
68. Keep in touch with at least three people I've met in Dallas
69. Learn how to like being touched
70. Talk to/see/call Anna more than once a quarter
71. Read a biography of someone I admire
72. Pick someone to admire
73. Get new glasses
74. Get a new blog
75. Go for walks
76. Learn to speak Spanish
77. Take vitamins
78. Whiten my teeth
79. Wear my retainer to bed
80. Wash my face daily
81. Get a massage
82. Protest
83. Give blood
84. Get a dog
85. Keep $20 cash in case of emergencies
86. Write a short story
87. Learn how to play poker
88. Replace cokes with diet cokes
89. Replace diet cokes with tea
90. Balance my checkbook once a week
91. Watch the sunrise without light pollution
92. Look forward to going to work
93. Hang out with parents at least once a week...
94. Or call parents at least once a week
95. Eat out less
96. Inspire someone
97. Open doors for guys
98. Stop biting my nails
99. Change what I don't like about myself
100. Accept the ones that I can't
101. Record and document all 100

I just unpacked all my stuff a week ago...

2005-06-17T15:28:00.000-05:00

And now I have to pack it all back up.

I don't know if it's the Quantum Leap marathon, that I'm talking to Anna and Ben online, or like Jake said, I reread and edit too much, but I've started the blog four times and I swear this is it whether I like it or not dammit!

Yesterday Pam asked me if I'm excited about moving back to Lubbock. I was surprised by the question. I really hadn't thought about how I felt about it. Moving back is just a given, I didn't have any feelings regarding moving back. I'd just been focusing on 1) work-how many paychecks I'll have, what I'll tell Rachel, what I'll tell everyone else and 2) how and when I can move.

I don't want to say I was in denial...that sounds so childish. I knew Aaron had been looking for a superintendent position at another course, I knew he interviewed at two courses in Tyler, and I knew that both had separately come to check out Northwood. So I really shouldn't have been surprised when one of them made an offer. On second thought, I might be the poster child for denial.

Since August I'd been on a roller coaster of emotions. I'd gone from thinking my decision moving here wasn't the right one and wanting to go back to Lubbock, to finally finding my groove and being in a good place, to not being comfortable at all in my own apartment, to getting back into my groove but with different roommates. But, I was happy and if I'm happy in my station in life isn't everyone? They are aren't they? Right? 'Fraid not.

So, I keep thinking whether or not I should tell anyone about my move. I've got no desire to get in touch with Meredith and Emilie, I could care less if they knew or not. There Kenneth, but I don't think I've spoken to him since my birthday so maybe I'll throw him an instant message. Ryan and I hardly think he'll care, but is it rude if I just don't tell him? Lisney invited me to the midnight movie tomorrow night so I'll let her know and she can tell Will and Ryan.

I realize this post is pretty random but I just needed to get all my thoughts out and do a little sorting...and maybe get a little feedback. But, all in all, I'm really sad about leaving but I am excited about going back to Lubbock. So, hub-a-plex, here I come!

COMMENTS:

--PAM:
AAAAANNNNNGGGG I am excited about you comin back to the hub-a-plex....I need some vagina to hang out with and what better vagina than my best friend!!!

--STEPHANIE:
It's weird...I thought I'd be a lot more upset leaving Dallas, but it's really nice here, and for me...it just feels like home, in a way that BigD never really did. Don't be sad. Dallas will always be there if you ever want to go back. Ultimately, you should be where you feel comfortable.

Ok, so lets break this down...

2005-06-17T13:08:00.000-05:00

August-October: Ang & Emilie in one room; Jake & Meredith in another and Aaron & Kathryn in their own house

October-January: Ang & Emilie in one room; Jake & Meredith in another; Ryan under the bar in the dining room and Aaron & Kathryn in their house

January-April: Ang in one room; Emilie & Meredith in another; Ryan in his own apt; Aaron, Kathryn & Jake in the house

May: Ang, Jake, Aaron & Kathryn in the house; who cares about Emile & Meredith; is Ryan still alive?

June: Ang, Aaron & Kathryn in the house; Jake in St. Louis.

and soon...

July: Ang & Kathryn in the house; Aaron in Tyler; Jake in St. Louis

August: Ang in Lubbock; Aaron & Kathryn in Tyler; Jake in Portland

Wow, what a year

Wow, it's been a while

2005-05-19T13:50:00.000-05:00

So, I've started writing so many times and each time I couldn't quite express myself exactly how I wanted. Even now, I still have no idea how to put what I'm thinking into the right words. When everything first happened I'd wanted to write everything. I'd wanted to write exactly how I felt and not leave anything out. Wanted to write about the email, even post it. I'd talked about replying to their email, using words that cut deeper than theirs did me. Write about how much I hated them...but I've been so busy and so much time has passed since the whole thing happened that it would just seem petty to bring it all up again. Also, whenever I think about it I just get pissed off all over again...so I just try to push it out of my brain. What I can say about it all is I do appreciate everything and everyone around me. I guess I can just go down the list...throwing some shout-outs...

Pam-for always being there when I call and letting me bitch...and bitching right there with me; because that's what I needed. She possesses this great quality of being exactly what I unknowingly need her to be at that moment. How can I explain it? She knows when she can bitch with me and it be ok and she knows when she can play devil's advocate and put things in perspective for me.

David-for his very kind words...oh, and being my 'people' when I say, "Oh, I know people!"

Ben-for threatening to get his posse (whoever they may be).

Jake-for making the transition as easy as it could be by getting my mind off of it all. And for helping me understand the craziness that is Meredith.

Aaron-who, for those first couple of days showed more emotion that I'd ever seen in him. And who thought before he spoke or did anything.

Kathryn-for being my defender when I couldn't stand up for myself. For making it comfortable for me. For sensing when I've had a bad day and asking me if I want to talk. And for and bearing with me while my room still isn't quite 100 clean, but progressively getting better.

Those are my shout-outs! Woot! It's reassuring to know that when times get rough, you will be there for me. I love you!

COMMENTS:

--DAVID:

word. i am people. feel free to use me in any threat you so desire.

--PAM:

Ang..we know each other, what can I say. Im glad that even though we are far apart physically we are still as close as every emotionally. I couldnt make it with out a friend there for me the way you are. You are truly special to me and I honestly couldnt make through life with out you!! I believe everyone needs a vault, a friend, a defender, a conscience, a non judgemental voice and most importantly an iANG!....Im sure the feeling is mutual!! I love you!!

For The First Time...

2005-04-28T18:11:00.000-05:00

For the first time in 11 years the three Martinez kids are living under the same roof.

For the first time in 4 months I'm not dreading going to the place I live.

For the first time in my life I think I really understand what it's like to hate

COMMENT:

--DAVID:

ang, i know you are going through hard times. so think happy thoughts like that time i told you that you are my favorite. love you

18 Across: What Success Is Measured In

2005-04-21T00:33:00.000-05:00

A FEATHER IN HIS HAT.

Well, damn, it's a good thing I found that out before I wasted anymore time or money on getting an education. It's a good thing I found that out before I tried to get a job where I will not be respected nor will I even be important. It's a good thing I found that out before I tried to achieve anything I'd ever wanted.

That said, yesterday (April 19th) was Equal Pay Day.Meaning, a woman has to work a year and approximately until April 19th to equal the pay a man gets in a year. Are women worth 24 less? What's more...am I (strong emphasis on I) worth 45 less than a man is? (I'm tired of that debate-who has it worse, a woman or a minority male, I have it worse! ME!)

However, I must admit. Texas is one of the best states. Texas gives $.76 for every dollar. Washington DC is the best with $.86 and Wyoming is the worst with $.63.

Regardless, does this seem right to you?

So, I guess the feather in his cap terminology is a little out-dated. It's the dollars in his pocket

I Love You Too, Aaron!

2005-04-14T01:58:00.000-05:00

Main Entry: los·er

Pronunciation: 'lü-z&r

Function: noun

1 : one that loses especially consistently

2 : one who is incompetent or unable to succeed; also : something doomed to fail or disappoint

I've got two brothers. Jake, who says he loves me all the time. When I leave Aaron and Kathryn's. When we get off the phone. When we part ways. He's always been that way, and it's always comforting to hear him say it. Aaron, however, is like my dad, not really an affectionate kind of guy. I've said I love you to him...but he's never said it back. There was one time I can remember where I was pretty upset for some reason or another a couple of years back and I said I loved him...and he didn't say it back. And...I know he loves me. I KNOW it. But, I just needed him to say it. For me. I needed him to make me feel better by saying he loved me...and he JUST didn't. But, I've come to the conclusion, that, by Aaron calling me LOSER all the time, maybe, just maybe, that's just him saying he loves me. And by me flipping him off or giving him the shocker, I'm just saying, hey, I love you too. But, yeah, maybe by Aaron saying that I am "one who is incompetent or unable to succeed; also : something doomed to fail or disappoint" he really is just saying "Hey, Ang, I love you!"

This is bad...and it's getting worse

2005-04-07T17:42:00.000-05:00

I'm becoming more and more spoiled with the tivo. If it's the three of us (Aaron, Kathryn, and myself) Aaron will control the tivo...but, if it's just Kathryn and me, I end up controlling it. Last night it was ALL ME! I came over here and watched this'n'that...American Idol, the end of West Wing, I lost my Eyes virginity (GoodShow)..Anyway, I also watched a couple of things Aaron had saved for me...Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy...oh, and of course some Good Times...anyway, Jake was watching all these with me so occasionally we'd exchange a little conversation...and I'd have to rewind. Jake would apologize like it was a big deal. Dude, it'd be a big deal if we DIDN'T have the tivo.

So, today it finally happened. As I was getting ready for school today I was watching something and I missed what someone had said and I nonchalantly picked up my remote and felt around for the 8-second rewind button. It wasn't there. Gah, I'm so embarrassed. I really need a tivo now. "It'll change your life"

Oh, commercial...gotta fastforward

COMMENTS:

--PAM:

oo Ang...how can someone not love you?!?!?

--DAVID:

some people who dont have tivo might not know what i am talking about, but i am hella good at watching tivo. that is correct, im good at WATCHING tivo. i can hit fast fwd 3 times and then stop it so it plays abt 2 seconds before the show comes back on. some people(pam) only hit fast forward 2 times. it seems to take forever. my favorite show to watch on tivo has got to be 24. i will start watching it at the beginning of an hour and because everytime 24 comes back on they show what time it is in the hour, i can see how much time i have saved with tivo.

All this time...it was an REM song...

2005-04-07T03:13:00.000-05:00

Ok, so when I first moved here we would hang out with Kenneth and we would hang out with Aaron and Kathryn...sometimes even at the same time. Aaron's favorite joke was whether we ask Kenneth what the frequency was? (He would crack himself up everytime...he was very proud of that joke). I NEVER got it. NEVER. Finally, months after laughing whenever everyone else did at the joke, Aaron made a comment about it being a really good song. So, I filed that in my brain under things to remember. "What's the frequency"...song...but by who? and how did it go? I was always just too embarrassed to asked because I know Aaron would say something like, "Gah, do you not know anything, Loser." And Jake would say something like, "Sometimes I don't think I know you." Besides, I'd laughed along with it for so long...the window of opportunity had closed back in September. It's like when I'm around my family and someone is telling a story in Spanish...I just react with everyone else. I laugh when everyone else does, pipe in with a "jeez" when other people let out a slight gasp. Usually, I'm pretty good with context clues...but sometimes I just have to follow everyone else.

Cut to MANY months later...a few weeks ago or so...I'm looking through Aaron's itunes and see "What's the Frequency"...I glance over to artist...REM! Now, I like to think I know music. I never claim to be a connoisseur...I mean my go-to music guru is Ben...but I'm a little upset that I didn't know. So, the song is on My Buddy...and it's really good. So, really, now, the only question I'm left with is...what IS the frequency? Kenneth?

COMMENT:

--BEN:

I am someone's go-to music guru!!!! sweey action! sorry....I just read this blog. Aiight....peace out then....btw, you should have just asked me....you could have played it off like you heard it on the radio and couldnt remember the artist...for the future...go ang! word

Crossword puzzles make my day better

2005-03-31T22:41:00.000-06:00

I wake up to the loud annoying sound of the landscaping men's machines. I give them the finger...what's going to happen? They are going to see it through the blinds...on the second story no less...and stop? So I put my head under my pillows. Doesn't work. Yell shut up and pull the covers over my head. Doesn't work either. I put my head at the foot of the bed and bury myself in whatever I can grab and give them the finger again. Still doesn't work. Am pissed. So, I decide to get ready for school. I'm awake a little later than I had wanted...I guess being annoyed with the Mexicans took longer than I realized. Today's going to be a long day so I opt for a bagel and coffee to get started. Of course, the one day I want one, the entire metroplex wants one, too. So I wait. I finally get it. Hurry and doctor my coffee and then onward to Richland. I'm walking to class and what happens? I spill coffee on my shirt. Now, this is my new pink shirt that replaced my other one that was ruined in the wash. So, this pink shirt isn't just in varsity...it's the quarterback who goes out with the head cheerleader. The whole nine yards. I get it dirty before the day even begins. Oh...if I had only knows today was just going to be a drop of coffee on the shirt of life. It was a stretch...but it worked. Am pissed. I go to math...stupid...I go to English...bearable...but...I can feel a headache coming. Not a caffeine headache that's easily curable...this, I already know, is a sinus headache. I try and push it out of my head (heh)...I've got way too much to do it and not enough time in which to do it...After English I take my math test. I was thinking 80/85...I'm not cocky; I'm realistic...and realistically...math sucks...and realistically...I'm not good at it...so realistically... I know I won't do well. Well, I could have done better...but like my BIG bruder says: D means done (a genius on some level). Am pissed. My headache gets worse and I hurry to get something to eat and head home for 15 minutes. The worst part of my day? I didn't get to do the crossword puzzle...am still pissed. So, I hurry to work with a big headache and big stain on my shirt. I kept myself busy...but time seemed to go by sooooo slllloooooowwww...and it was a really long shift...well, long for Pier 1...I tired to be nice to customers...and I generally was...but I avoided them as much as possible today. screw the 10 foot rule and screw greeting...

So, why did I go on and on about my bad day? Because as bad as this one was...I know that as soon as I take a shower and go to sleep...I'll get to have the chance to make the next day better. That's what I kept saying today while I was closing...tomorrow will be better. This weekend will be good. Something to look forward to. Woot! So, I'm looking forward to payday and most likely hanging out with my brothers...but most importantly...doing the crossword puzzle! yeeeah!

COMMENT:

--EMILY:

Way to stay positive! You are a better person than I.

My Weekend...Woot!

2005-03-08T02:09:00.000-06:00

--HEEEEY BRODY--

Ok, so Friday night Jake and I went to see The Jaket...and really, the only thing I have to say is, how would you like to be in the middle of that? We had some dessert at Cheesecake Factory...yum. That whole night was fun...brother/sister time! Yay!

--JESSIE'S GIRL...XANADU...AND RUSTY WATER--

Ok, I worked Saturday and after work I went to Spaghetti for dinner and hung out there for a while...watched Tech's butt get kicked by OU. Then I went to Aar-N-Kat's and watched the end of Saved and then Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Then after Jake got off they met us at Aar-N-Kat's then we left for the Midnight Movie--it was The Shining!! I guess they give away DVDs before the movie starts...I dunno...it was my first MM...but we had to wait for everyone to get in before they started the movie...so Jessie's Girl came on and the entire theatre jammed out to that. Then, an Olivia New John song came on that is on our tape at work, so I was singing to that...and Aaron asked if it was from Xanadu...wtf?...then he said that that should be a Midnight Movie. So this guy went up on stage and started talking about upcoming movies...Big is next week, Donnie Darko (the director's cut) is the week after, and Xanadu is the week after that. Well done Aaron! Anyway, after that, the guy said he was going to ask three trivia questions and whoever raised their hand first and answered it correctly would get stuff. The first question was--the MPAA wouldn't allow blood to be shown in movie trailors, so what did Stanley Kubrick say the blood was in the elevator scenes? Before he finished asking I had my hand up...rusty water, baby. I read that on imdb that afternoon. go me! But I got The Shining on DVD! It was very exciting...my brothers were so amazed...I think Aaron's still in shock! They totally think I'm the coolest! Woot!

--SNAREGIRL!--

Diana is stopping off in Dallas before heading to Lubbock for spring break! Yay! So I think we're going to plan on getting together Friday...try and see Ryan at Spaghetti...maybe have a little dinner! But, this is very exciting! I have not seen Diana is months...Yay!!!

I've got a moral in this one...go me!

2005-02-22T22:52:00.000-06:00

Frustration

A state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs

That's the only word I can think of to describe my current mood.

There are always the constants--money, work, people in general (usually customers).

There are a couple that have arisen within the past couple of days.

-Math (enough said, right?). I got so frustrated last night. Jake's a good tutor, he really is, I just didn't get it. It just got worse. Then, a little better. I thought I got it. I thought I was prepared. There were a few problems last night that neither of us could get, but I got them this morning, on my own. I had this! It was good! I took the test...I didn't have it nor was it good. I can, however retake the test on Thursday...I just need to take a practice test that's in my book. I did some problems tonight, but when I couldn't get past number three on section two, I called Pam. Not for answers of course, for a break. Now, myspace is finally back and running and I thought I might as well update about my frustration while I'm still in Frustration City and I'm the one whose...sitting in the chair.

-I called Aaron, he didn't answer, I texted him a little later, he called me back. I don't think he wanted to talk to me. I don't think he wanted to talk to anyone. Understandable. I wouldn't either. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I wish I knew how he felt. There was so much I wanted to say. So much I wanted to tell him. I love you. It'll be ok. It just wasn't meant to be. They don't know what they are missing. I didn't. I knew he'd heard it from Mom and Dad. I knew he'd get it from everyone else. So I just told him to call me later. I did, however, mention Jake and I are planning on some industrial terrorism. I have a black sweater. I cleaned. Something I rarely to never do. I couldn't think about it. I couldn't dwell. I couldn't keep talking to Pam about it. I had to keep moving. Couldn't sit down. I'll go through my drawer, clean that out. I'll clean out my closet, oh, I need more music on my computer. Stacks of cds in one place, a pile of winter clothes in another, and whatever the hell is in my drawer all over my bed. I just wish I knew what he was thinking.

I stole some songs from Aaron on Sunday night and as I was typing that last paragraph the Good Times theme came on. It's kind of crazy seeing as how Aaron's email today mentioned Good Times...and VD...but that's neither here nor there. That show reminds me of Aaron anyway, but I thought it was quite appropriate for my blog today. I was just going to make this a bitch-fest blog...but I guess I have to have a moral now.

Moral of the story: Keep your head above water...and make a wave when you can...

oh...and never take math...it sucks...

COMMENT:

--JAKE:

You are great. I forwarded this post....i almost got weepy...Love you!